The Motherhood Diaries : Take Care of Yourself Like You Take Care of Them

The Motherhood Diaries : Take Care of Yourself Like You Take Care of Them

A recent incident involving, of all things, footwear, got me thinking about all the ways in which I take excellent care of my family, particularly my daughter, but not myself. I book appointments around nap times so she gets enough rest, keep her carnet de santé up to date, and am religious about hat-wearing for warmth in the winter and for sun protection in the summer. But when it comes to myself, I am often a sloppy caretaker.

The other day, as my two-year-old daughter and I were walking home from the nounou, she lifted her foot and cried, “Mummy, feet, sore, shoes fait mal!” The next day, we were in the shoe shop, measuring my child’s feet, and getting comfortable new footwear the next size up. As my eyes watered at the exorbitant prices that seem to be the norm for little shoes, I looked down and realised that my own feet were actually rather sore too, and that my flimsy, old and now rather unfashionable ballerines were not actually comfortable at all.

They all hurt me – and until now I would just sort of grin and bear it. But I wouldn’t put our daughter in shoes that gave her blisters, would I? So why would I do that to myself?

Yet I had, and I am quite sure I’m not the only mother, indeed parent, for whom taking care of others is paramount, while taking care of oneself falls by the wayside.

The recent trend for preaching self-care has produced a slew of articles emphasising the importance of putting on your own oxygen mask before helping others. But what does that really mean when applied to the kind of rich/busy/full/hectic lifestyles we lead in the City of Light? You can book a massage, reserve an evening out with cherished friends, or make time for date night with your Beloved to remind yourself that s/he is more than just the Other Parental Unit. These things are important, but they don’t make up the quotidien of your average mother.

1. Lighten your load

I’m already worried about the huge cartables I see French schoolchildren lugging around and the impact one might have on my child’s spine. But I’ll happily fill my handbag to cracking and cart it around with me, Atlas-like, until my shoulders plead for mercy. No more! It takes two minutes to remove the unnecessary items from my bag in the morning (or better still, in the evening), keeping only what’s required for the day, and I’ve bought miniatures of the cosmetics that I like to have with me (hand cream, sanitizer, etc.)

2. If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it

Remember the song? Well, he has a serious point. I wouldn’t dream of letting my child out in warmer months without sunscreen. So, I’ve replaced my face and body moisturizer with factor 50 for the summer and bought a small tube of cream to keep in my handbag so I don’t get caught out. Burning is not an option.

3. Take a look at your plate

My daughter’s dinner is always comprised of three things: protein, vegetables, carbs. She eats three leisurely meals a day, usually at the same times. So why do I rush through the ironing once she’s in bed then inhale a pizza and a glass of red before jumping up to deal with emails? Making my own eating as healthy as hers isn’t hard – I still have some pizza (and, sometimes, a glass of the red stuff), but there’ll be a side salad and fruit for dessert. The ironing will just have to wait until I’m fed. Ironically, by making her my role model for healthy eating at regular times, I become a better one for her.

4. Hydrate

You can keep tabs on how much your children drink since most kids’ cups and bottles have handy oz/ml marks up the side. Keep track of your own two litres a day by filling up an empty mineral water bottle each morning and making sure you get through it by bedtime. Job done.

5. Make TV mindful

I feel brain dead and kind of depressed after too much television but I still sometimes manage to veg out for hours in front of mindless rubbish. My daughter, on the other hand, gets a single episode of Peppa Pig a week (usually to allow us to complete the dreaded task of cutting her nails). Making my television viewing as mindful as hers – though perhaps not quite as limited – frees up time for other things and ensures I truly choose and enjoy what I watch (GOT night is now an even bigger deal).

6. Keep warm, my dear, keep dry

Alanis had it right (Morissette, that is – for anyone reading who wasn’t an angsty teen in the late 90s). How often have I failed to bring a cardigan or worn silly shoes when it’s threatening to rain because I can’t be bothered or just think, “Oh, I’ll be fine”? The French are a bit nutty about their courants d’air and wearing une petite laine, and much as I mock them, they’re right. Keeping warm and dry are basic human needs. Don’t neglect your own.

7. Book your check-ups

Baby has a carnet de santé with its handy list of check-ups and vaccines to consider. Create your own by making a list of all the medical visits you need to book per year and putting them in an eternal calendar, or on your phone or an app. This way, you’ll remember to make a dentist appointment every May and see the gynecologist each time the rentrée comes round. Consider making a preventative osteopath visit part of your yearly routine, and don’t put off going to the doctor when you have a problem. Going back to the old oxygen mask image, you can’t help with homework if you’re in toothache hell, and you can’t even carry your baby if your back is in agony. On the latter subject, I speak from painful experience.

8. Watch your mouth

Do you often insult or belittle your children? I hope not. Now, how often do you put yourself down? “God, what an idiot I am, I didn’t think of that!” “I’ve got a memory like a sieve.” “Crikey, I need to lose weight, what a heifer!” Watch what you tell yourself and others because your self-talk can be self-fulfilling. Why would you let anyone, including yourself, speak to you so disrespectfully?

I’ve no doubt you cherish your children, husband, and family life as I much as I do – so in order to continue giving them the best of yourself, remember to take care of yourself too.

Originally published on Inspirelle.com.

To find your groove in Paris, get networking!

To find your groove in Paris, get networking!

Are you in a rut? Do you feel slightly stuck, or maybe a bit lost? Perhaps you’re actually doing fine, but you have that feeling that you could be doing better. Maybe there projects you want to start, but you’re finding it hard to gain momentum, or you just don’t know where to begin. Whatever your situation, there is one thing you can do that pretty much guarantees some kind of progress, especially here in Paris where, in my experience at least, la bouche à l’oreille is essential: le networking.

Networking is not a four-letter word

Many people feel shy about networking, feeling there’s something self-serving and shameful about it. And I must agree that the expressions “working the room” and “schmoozing” send shivers down my spine. Who wants to be that woman who leaps across the top table at her cousin’s wedding, spilling champagne on the bride, in order to press a crumpled business card into the unwilling palm of the best man as he’s half-way through his speech just because he happens to mention he works in HR? Not me. I’m guessing not you either.

Genuine, honest networking is about meeting new people and developing existing relationships. It’s about being sincerely interested in learning about another person’s projects and seeing if there’s any way in which the two of you can help each other out. It’s a two-way street. To be effective and avoid falling into schmoozing territory, it needs to be totally shameless in the positive sense of the word (yes, there is one). Consider the difference between:

“Wow, you’re studying shiatsu! I’ve always wanted to try it. Maybe I could come by for a session some time. I guess it’s really expensive, though? Yeah, money’s a little tight at the moment. So I reckon I’ll have to wait for a while before calling. Do you offer discounted rates for friends of friends? Haha, no just kidding…” Cue awkward silence.

and

“Hi, Jane told me you’re studying shiatsu. Listen, I’ve always fancied trying it, but I can’t afford it at the moment. No pressure, but I wonder if you’d be interested in discussing a service I could offer you in exchange for a session? I’m pretty good at setting up websites, for example, and have often babysat for friends. If either of those interests you, here’s my number, let me know. And of course, I’ll totally understand if you’re not into it.”

Which exchange would you prefer to have?

Effective networking should also always begin with the (unspoken) question “what can I do for you?” Go into it with the goal of meeting people and seeing if any of your knowledge or contacts can be useful to them. It takes the pressure of you and puts people at ease knowing that you’re there to offer as well as to accept a coup de main.

When done openly and in the right spirit, good networking can really make a difference – obviously, it can boost your career, but it can also help you achieve personal goals and up your chances of creating a fulfilling life for yourself, particularly if you’re new to Paris and still trying to find your groove. Here are four reasons to put yourself out there and attend a networking event near you!

You will widen your support network

Developing a wide circle of friends and acquaintances is crucial to feeling rooted and connected. Maybe you won’t meet your next employer at a networking event but you might make a new friend (already an excellent achievement) who, three months down the line, hears about a job opening and passes it on to you. That same friend might then share the name of her babysitter with you, giving you and your partner a much-needed night out. She might also become the person you call at 3am when you just need to talk. She might invite you to join her book group. The more people you know, the more people you know…

You will find new sources of information

Simply talking about your stalled project with someone new can give you ideas you may never have come to otherwise. You’re telling someone how you wish you could get back into rollerblading like you used to, and someone in the little group you’re with, someone you don’t even know, asks if you know about the big roller-outings organised on Sunday evenings in Paris. You haven’t asked for help, no flesh has been pressed, but you walk away knowing more than you did before.

You’ll open your horizons and gain new perspectives

When actively networking, you will talk to people you never would have approached, say, at a party. Perhaps people you wouldn’t be friends with. The beauty of talking to people from all walks of life is that it’s often the people who aren’t like you – people that have different values and beliefs and who move in different circles – who will say something that gives you that “light bulb” moment. Those are the people who will think outside of your box. And vice versa…

You’ll get the feel-good boost that comes from helping others

Putting aside all the things networking can do for you, isn’t it delightful to find yourself in a position to help someone else? Especially when you’re feeling below par yourself. It is so gratifying to be able to say “Really? You’re looking for a private English teacher? I actually know someone who might be able to help”, or “I actually have a friend leaving Paris soon and her apartment will be up for grabs – shall I put the two of you in touch?” Personally, I am known among my friends for my willingness to “matchmake” in this way. I love lending a hand like that. The bonus is that because of this, lots of my friends are now friends with each other (which incidentally made my wedding extra fun), plus friends are always willing to return the favour.

Because that’s the basis of all non-schmoozy (yep, I’m making up words now) networking. There’s a positive karma to it when done with the right intention. You help, advise or inform someone just because you can. Then they either help you back or they pay it forward. Whatever happens, you have added something good to the world and that will always do you good.

Originally published in Message Paris magazine.

Stretching yourself: doing things the ex-pat way

Stretching yourself: doing things the ex-pat way

In any Paris exercise class – be it Pilates, Gym Suedoise or the unappealingly named “Body Attack” – there is always a moment when can you spot the other ex-pat(s) in the room. It’s at that point when the instructor says something like (here I take an example from my own yoga class): “Now, if this isn’t enough of a stretch, you can make the posture more challenging by extending your left arm, raising your foot and taking hold of your big toe”. It’s then that you see a gleam in the eye of the ex-pat: “Oh goody”, she’s thinking, “I can make it harder for myself!”

The road less travelled

Because let’s admit it, folks, ex-pats, and even more so, ex-pat parents, are not people who have chosen the path of least resistance in life. We’re people who choose – either by looking to move or by deciding to “follow” a spouse – to build a life in a foreign country, perhaps in a foreign language, usually with few friends to start off, often with little knowledge of how the system works… I’m that kind of gal myself. I arrived in Paris with two suitcases, a part-time job as a language assistant, and a metre-squared room in a foyer de jeunes filles. I knew nobody. Friends starting well-paid jobs in London, moving into flat-shares with good mates from university, and taking their washing home at the weekends thought I was mad. But you – yes, you the masochistic ex-pat like me who’s chosen the road less travelled – you know that I just had to do life the hard way. It’s in our nature. When choosing a book for my holiday, not for me a nice Marion Keyes page-turner that looks really fun; no, this is the perfect opportunity to attack Les Misérables! And I don’t just have the easy chocolate Advent calendar. We’ll get one, sure, but I think I’ll also hand-sew a perpetual calendar with little motivational quotations in the pockets that I’ll write out in coloured inks. The school bake sale asks for parents to bring in a cake per family? I’ll make 30 frosted cupcakes instead, plus a Victoria sponge for the teachers!

Raising a child as an ex-pat is a whole other world of self-inflicted “hard way”, isn’t it? It raises questions about giving birth in a foreign language, sometimes learning vocabulary you weren’t even sure of in English, making choices about bi/trilingualism, learning about the school system, perhaps facing differences in approaches to bringing up children – with a foreign spouse, foreign in-laws, and society as a whole. It’s a minefield.

A life lived on purpose

I’ve always found that intrinsic to life as an ex-pat is the fact that everything is slightly more intense, or rather that you live everything more intensely. The highs are higher, and, boy, the lows are lower. So, on days when we’re feeling strong and life is going well, we are aware that what we’re doing is difficult, we get a kick out of it, and indeed, we respect for ourselves for choosing to be challenged. But on days when there are comprehension problems at school, the bank screws up an international transfer, and you have to do battle with the La Poste to find the parcel your aunt in Australia sent you, you can wind up shaking your fist at the sky and wondering why you’re inflicting this life upon yourself.

It’s in those moments that you take a breath, have a cup of tea (the British panacea!), and ask yourself the following powerful coaching questions:

  1. What have I learnt since my arrival in Paris and how has that expanded my horizons?
  2. What personal growth is my life here allowing me (and my family) that wouldn’t be available back home?
  3. Who/what/how am I in Paris that I couldn’t have been at home?
  4. What would I miss about my life here if I were to leave it tomorrow?
  5. If I had never moved here, which people would I have missed out on meeting and/or befriending?

No matter how hard you might be finding life in Paris right now, you have without a doubt learnt and grown since your arrival. When it all seems just a bit too hard and not worth it, take a step back, ask yourself these questions and give yourself a break. Even us “push-yourself” ex-pats sometimes need to do just the minimum – the simple yoga pose, the gaudy-cover beach book, a Kinder calendar – and, yes, God bless Marks & Spencer for that pre-iced sponge cake that will sometimes just have to do.

Originally published in Message Paris magazine.

The Motherhood Diaries : Turning Worry About Education into Productive Thinking

The Motherhood Diaries : Turning Worry About Education into Productive Thinking

From the moment one becomes a parent (and I mean, from the second we know that sperm has successfully met egg), at least 10% of one’s brainpower at any given time is taken up with worrying about one’s offspring. Health, happiness, brain development, achievement of key milestones, eating habits, socialization… and, the biggie: education.

I say “the biggie” because that’s the thing I worry about most. Indeed, I’d say 10% is actually a conservative estimate. But who can blame me? Education is the key to a child’s future. Living as an expat in Paris compounds the problem as we are usually dealing with a school system we did not experience first-hand, and doing so in a language that – no matter how well we master French – isn’t our langue maternelle.

Confession time

A while back, I had a period of strange and obsessive worry about my daughter’s education, mainly brought on by the acute realization of my lack of knowledge about how the school system works here. A lack of information makes me anxious. So, I took action. I called the school board and found out which catchment area we’re in for lycée, collège, primaire and maternelle. We discussed dérogations, when to apply for schools, the LOT! At one point, though, faced with my barrage of questions, the lovely lady on the phone stopped mid-sentence and asked la question qui fâche:

“Madame, just how many children do you have, and what are their ages?” My red-faced reply: “Well, erm, I actually just have the one daughter, and she’s, ahem, 10 months old”.

Yes, readers, I was that crazy lady asking for university application forms for a child who couldn’t actually walk yet.

Which language to speak?

Now, in my defence, in Paris, you basically have to register for a place at the crèche as you’re leaving the gynecologist’s office having confirmed your pregnancy. And even then, they’ll ask you why you didn’t think to send a post-coital email to pre-reserve your spot. So it’s not that odd to worry about the deadline to register for nursery school. And at least now I know the when, where, what, how and why – information is power!

Of course, on top of the classic questions about education that all parents consider, expat parents have to take into account the language(s) elements of their children’s upbringing. Whatever the configuration of languages in the household, there are always choices to be made about language priorities: Who will speak which language to the children, what will the family language will be?…My husband is French, I am British, and we live in France. I have spent hours agonizing over whether my speaking English to our daughter will be “enough”; yet more time weighing up the relative merits of international sections, bilingual schools, and supplementary private tuition; and even longer researching extra-curricular activities that take place in English.

The Positive Approach to Education

I know I’m not the only one out there with these worries swirling around her brain, so if you’re identifying with any of the above, take heart. It’s totally normal (hey, we weren’t using that 10% anyway, right?). But instead of undirected and anxiety-inducing worry, why not try to channel your concerns by asking yourself the right questions? Powerful coaching questions that, instead of just causing more confusion, will help you identify what’s best for your children and your family as a whole. Here are some starters that should help you get to the bottom of what’s right for you:

  • What do we want our children to take away from their schooling, overall?
  • What values do we want our children to learn at school?
  • What natural talents are our children displaying and how do we want to support those?
  • What difficulties are my children experiencing and how do I want to support them?
  • What did I enjoy/not enjoy in my own education? What would I like to reproduce?
  • How much support are we as parents willing and able to offer our children with homework?
  • How much do we as parents want to be involved in the life of the school?
  • What level of bilingualism do we aspire to for our children, and to what end?
  • What will bilingualism do for our children, and what will our children’s bilingualism do for our family as a whole?
  • How much work are we as parents willing and able to put into our goal of bilingualism?
  • What are we willing to sacrifice for this goal? What are we not willing to sacrifice?
  • What other values are important to us in our children’s upbringing and education?
  • What values and objectives do we have for our family’s lifestyle generally?
  • How do our other values fit in with our educational and bilingual goals for our children?

It’s normal and right to think about your child’s future. But it’s better to ponder the matter in a way that is productive, constructive and empowering.

Originally published on Inspirelle.com.

The Motherhood Diaries : When Letting Go of Your Child is Hard to Do

The Motherhood Diaries : When Letting Go of Your Child is Hard to Do

Recently, my daughter had her first ever rentrée – an initiation to an autumn ritual every mother in France must face. No uniform or stationery purchases were required (more’s the pity – I love buying notebooks); my 14-month-old simply started going to a childminder four days a week. We’ve been building towards this momentous event all summer, ever since we found our lovely assistante maternelle and signed the contract. I’ve been busily packing a bag with all her essentials and talking to Alice about her new adventure. When the big day arrived, we were ready.

We did a few trial-run days with the childminder over the summer which went well, but as I dropped her off on D-Day, I still steeled myself for some crying and clinging. To my utter horror, Alice simply gave me a kiss, let me put her down, and happily started playing with a ball.

I walked to the door, braced for a sudden scream. I turned to say a final “goodbye” to find her smiling and waving at me.

The childminder texted me minutes later to reassure me that all was fine and that Alice was banging a drum and shrieking with pleasure. That’s when the hysterical crying began – mine.

Now, I get that Alice’s cheerful and easy-going acceptance of the childminder is, in many ways, sickeningly ideal; and I’m very grateful to be spared the earth-shaking screams that some other parents experience at every drop-off. But, while it is a comfort to know that Alice likes the childminder, the fact that she’s taking the rentrée in her stride doesn’t mean that I am. I’m experiencing a host of classic feelings:

  • Guilt (motherhood gold) at leaving her
  • Worry at our choice of nounou (agréée and apparently delightful, but Dr Jekyll looked perfectly normal too, didn’t he?)
  • Fear that my daughter will prefer the nounou/forget about me/resent me for leaving her
  • A sens of being incomplete without her – as if someone removed one of my limbs.

I doubt there’s a parent alive who can’t identify with some part of this, so, drawing on my own limited but recent and raw experience, here are my suggestions for dealing not with your child’s reaction to the rentrée, but your own.

1. Trust yourself

The first night after starting with the nounou, Alice’s sleep was rather disturbed. At around 3 a.m., my husband and I simultaneously voiced the inevitable thought: She’s clearly traumatised by the childminder! The only thing that talked us down from that particular ledge was remembering that we did lots of research before choosing our assistante maternelle, met with several, and spent some time getting to know the one we chose. We also just had a really good feeling about her. You undoubtedly did your due diligence when choosing your childcare – trust that and trust your instincts. (It turned out to be a molar pushing through that was keeping Alice awake, by the way. How foolish we felt.)

2. Give yourself time

Most new childcare requires a kind of easing-in period, the période d’adaptation. That’s not just for the kids, but for parents too. In those first days and weeks, expect to be emotional and off-kilter. It will take time to adjust to the new routine as this new chapter begins. If you can, try not to go to work on that first day. Returning to work after a break feeling emotionally wrung out is to be avoided if possible. Give yourself the day to be with whatever you’re feeling and prepare for your own rentrée. If that’s not an option, try to find time between leaving the crèche and arriving at work to sit calmly, let yourself feel, and then close the door on whatever happened at the drop off.

3. Accept that this is a big deal

Don’t mentally downplay the significance of leaving your child with a nounou, at a crèche or at school. For me, using a childminder was like adding a new member to my family – someone who will care for and influence my daughter, and who will have an important impact on our lives. That’s a big deal, so don’t be dismissive (or let anyone make you feel silly) when you have big emotions in response to what you’re doing.

4. Remember the benefits

Whatever your child’s age, and whatever your chosen form of childcare, you and your little one will — in some way, shape or form — benefit from this time apart. Without denying your fears and worries, make yourself a list of all the good things that will come from the situation. Note them down and keep them at hand.

You may feel your child is too young to be at crèche. Think about how being with other children sooner rather than later will stimulate and encourage him to develop.

You’re using childcare because you have a career you love and want to get back to, but you feel guilty about that? You’re a model of vocation and ambition for a child who’ll grow up to expect joy from the workplace – that’s invaluable!

When that little voice inside says “But, I’m abandoning my baby!” (or “I shouldn’t want to work”, or “I’m a bad mother” or whatever nasty thing your mind chooses to bash you over the head with), look at that list and bash the voice right back.

Originally published on Inspirelle.com.

How to Réussir La Rentrée

How to Réussir La Rentrée

I have long been intrigued by French words for which no satisfactory translation can be found in English. For example, profiter: enjoy, make the most of it, take advantage – none of them really conveys the full meaning of the verb for me. Gourmand: someone who likes food and eating – somewhat reductive, n’est-ce pas?

My favourite has to be La Rentrée: The Return. In the UK, we simply refer to “when the schools go back”; in France they make it sound like a long-awaited feature film, probably involving Matt Damon or Brad Pitt, definitely requiring capitalisation. Because here in France it is indeed a big deal. While it originates in the notion of la rentrée des classes – the children returning to school after the summer holidays – la rentrée touches on every part of society simply because that long summer vacation is still a reality for a large proportion of the country.

As someone whose favourite things include learning, the autumn and all things papeterie, embracing the concept of the rentrée is a no-brainer for me. It’s a great excuse to sign up for a class, wear autumnal-coloured scarves, and buy new notebooks. As a coach, I love the rentrée because it is a great time to hit “reset”, take stock, and embark upon new ventures.

A new beginning

Traditionally, we make resolutions in January – in the middle of winter when the days are short and we’re exhausted from the Christmas madness. Choosing to make September the start of your personal development year makes sense: we are usually rested after some kind of break (even if it’s just a calmer period at work), and we’ve been eating more fruit and vegetables over the summer and getting more fresh air and sunshine, so we’re physically on better form. There’s a natural energy to the start of the new school year, even for those who don’t have children, and a number of fun holidays throughout the autumn help keep spirits up as the nights grow longer, all of which makes it more likely we’ll stick to our decisions.

So, as you sharpen pencils, shine shoes, shop for cartables and sew name tags into vests, why not take a moment to think about what you want out of the coming “year”? Here are four ways to step into the rentrée consciously, putting your best foot forward.

Set an intention

Setting an intention for the coming year is a great way to have a blanket impact on your life. Take a moment to visualise a day in your life as the school year starts: picture school, work, childcare, hobbies, sports, family time, friends, home projects… Now ask yourself what feeling you wish to create as you move through that day. Don’t think about what you want to do, but about how you want to be, what you want to feel. It could be a word (light, spontaneous, peace, enjoy, curious) or an image (I want to be like the tree in the wind that bends so that it never breaks). You could use a smell, a song or a taste – so long as you can summon it to mind (or nose, or ear, or mouth), it will be a useful tool to being you back to your intention whenever you need to re-focus.

Set a goal

In contrast to an intention, setting a goal is usually something you want to do. We set objectives all the time, but often forget Doran’s famous SMART rules of goalsetting, so crucial to success.

S: keep the goal Specific. “I will lose 4 kilos” is better than “I’ll get my weight down a bit”.

M: make sure it’s Measurable. “I will work on two pages of my French grammar book every Monday” is better than “I’ll do a bit every evening”.

A: the job should be Assignable. Very useful if you’re doing family goals: a chart of who will tackle which bit of the garden is better than a vague “We’ll all pitch in”.

R: it needs to be Realistic. I know I can’t jog every morning, but I could manage once a week. Better a less ambitious goal that you actually achieve than a wildly over-estimated one you abandon after a week.

T: goals should be Time-related. Say when you’ll see results. I like to use Christmas as a deadline when setting goals in September as there’s a natural cycle to it and it means I can then set my next objectives in January with Easter/spring as my deadline.

Set a rule

A friend of mine has a plaque in her kitchen that reads “Thou shalt not whine”. It’s like her rule of thumb for life. In any situation, when unsure of her behaviour, words, or reactions, she can check in with herself and ask “Am I being whiney in any way here?”, and if she is, she knows she’s breaking her own rule. Setting a rule for yourself (for life, for this month, for just today) is a slightly bossier way of setting an intention. It gives you a touchstone when struggling to be your best self. This strategy really speaks to most clients. Great examples I’ve seen work include: “don’t be that guy”; “always delay any purchase by 24 hours”; “say yes to all new experiences” and “pull your weight”.

Set a mantra

A personal mantra can be anything from a quotation, to a piece of poetry, scripture, a song lyric or simply some wise words from a trusted friend. Its purpose is to re-centre you on what’s important on the day when work has never been busier, the childminder’s sick, your partner’s away on business, two out of three children have the dreaded gastro, and you get that sinking feeling in your stomach that says you will soon have it too. This too shall pass. The only way out is through. It doesn’t have to be pretty or even deep, but it has to be something that chimes with you.

If you’re reading Message magazine, the chances are that you, like me, are a courageous ex-pat bringing up children in a foreign land, maybe with a foreign partner, almost certainly negotiating a foreign language, so I offer you one of my own favourite mantras. It comes at the end of the Robert Frost poem “The Road Not Taken” and always perks me up when I’m questioning my choices:

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

Originally published in Message Paris magazine.