{"id":1185,"date":"2016-09-29T10:13:32","date_gmt":"2016-09-29T08:13:32","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/joannearchibald.com\/?p=1185"},"modified":"2023-03-30T11:44:00","modified_gmt":"2023-03-30T09:44:00","slug":"the-motherhood-diaries-when-letting-go-of-your-child-is-hard-to-do-2","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/joannearchibald.com\/fr\/blog\/the-motherhood-diaries-when-letting-go-of-your-child-is-hard-to-do-2\/","title":{"rendered":"The Motherhood Diaries : When Letting Go of Your Child is Hard to Do"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><strong>Recently, my daughter had her first ever <em>rentr\u00e9e \u2013 <\/em>an initiation to an autumn ritual every mother in France must face<em>. <\/em>No uniform or stationery purchases were required (more\u2019s the pity \u2013 I love buying notebooks); my 14-month-old simply started going to a childminder four days a week. We\u2019ve been building towards this momentous event all summer, ever since we found our lovely <em>assistante maternelle<\/em> and signed the contract. I\u2019ve been busily packing a bag with all her essentials and talking to Alice about her new adventure. When the big day arrived, we were ready.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>We did a few trial-run days with the childminder over the summer which went well, but as I dropped her off on D-Day, I still steeled myself for some crying and clinging. To my utter horror, Alice simply gave me a kiss, let me put her down, and happily started playing with a ball.<\/p>\n<p>I walked to the door, braced for a sudden scream. I turned to say a final \u201cgoodbye\u201d to find her smiling and waving at me.<\/p>\n<p>The childminder texted me minutes later to reassure me that all was fine and that Alice was banging a drum and shrieking with pleasure. That\u2019s when the hysterical crying began \u2013 mine.<\/p>\n<p>Now, I get that Alice\u2019s cheerful and easy-going acceptance of the childminder is, in many ways, sickeningly ideal; and I\u2019m very grateful to be spared the earth-shaking screams that some other parents experience at every drop-off. But, while it is a comfort to know that Alice likes the childminder, the fact that she\u2019s taking the <em>rentr\u00e9e<\/em> in her stride doesn\u2019t mean that I am. I\u2019m experiencing a host of classic feelings:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><strong>Guilt <\/strong>(motherhood gold) at leaving her<\/li>\n<li><strong>Worry <\/strong>at our choice of <em>nounou<\/em> (agr\u00e9\u00e9e and apparently delightful, but Dr Jekyll looked perfectly normal too, didn\u2019t he?)<\/li>\n<li><strong>Fear<\/strong>\u00a0that my daughter will prefer the <em>nounou<\/em>\/forget about me\/resent me for leaving her<\/li>\n<li><strong>A sens of being incomplete <\/strong>without her \u2013 as if someone removed one of my limbs.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>I doubt there\u2019s a parent alive who can\u2019t identify with some part of this, so, drawing on my own limited but recent and raw experience, here are my suggestions for dealing not with your <em>child\u2019s<\/em> reaction to the <em>rentr\u00e9e<\/em>, but your own.<\/p>\n<h3><strong>1. Trust yourself<\/strong><\/h3>\n<p>The first night after starting with the <em>nounou<\/em>, Alice\u2019s sleep was rather disturbed. At around 3 a.m., my husband and I simultaneously voiced the inevitable thought: <em>She\u2019s clearly traumatised by the childminder! <\/em>The only thing that talked us down from that particular ledge was remembering that we did lots of research before choosing our <em>assistante maternelle, <\/em>met with several, and spent some time getting to know the one we chose. We also just had a really good feeling about her. <strong>You undoubtedly did your due diligence<\/strong> when choosing your childcare \u2013 trust that and <strong>trust your instincts<\/strong>. (It turned out to be a molar pushing through that was keeping Alice awake, by the way. How foolish we felt.)<\/p>\n<h3><strong>2. Give yourself time<\/strong><\/h3>\n<p>Most new childcare requires a kind of easing-in period, the <em>p\u00e9riode d\u2019adaptation. <\/em>That\u2019s not just for the kids, but for parents too. In those first days and weeks, <strong>expect to be emotional and off-kilter.<\/strong> It will take time to adjust to the new routine as this new chapter begins. If you can, try not to go to work on that first day. Returning to work after a break feeling\u00a0emotionally wrung out is to be avoided if possible. Give yourself the day to be with whatever you\u2019re feeling and <strong>prepare for your own <em>rentr\u00e9e<\/em>.<\/strong> If that\u2019s not an option, try to find time between leaving the <em>cr\u00e8che<\/em> and arriving at work to sit calmly,<strong> let yourself feel, and then close the door on whatever happened at the drop off.<\/strong><\/p>\n<h3><strong>3. Accept that this is a big deal<\/strong><\/h3>\n<p>Don\u2019t mentally downplay the significance of leaving your child with a <em>nounou<\/em>, at a <em>cr\u00e8che<\/em> or at school. For me, using a childminder was like adding a new member to my family \u2013 someone who will care for and influence my daughter, and who will have an important impact on our lives. That\u2019s a big deal, so <strong>don\u2019t be dismissive (or let anyone make you feel silly) when you have big emotions<\/strong> in response to what you\u2019re doing.<\/p>\n<h3><strong>4. Remember the benefits<\/strong><\/h3>\n<p>Whatever your child\u2019s age, and whatever your chosen form of childcare, you and your little one will \u2014\u00a0in some way, shape or form \u2014 benefit from this time apart. Without denying your fears and worries, <strong>make yourself a list of all the <em>good<\/em> things that will come from the situation<\/strong>. Note them down and keep them at hand.<\/p>\n<p>You may feel your child is too young to be at <em>cr\u00e8che.<\/em>\u00a0Think about how <strong>being with other children sooner rather than later will stimulate and encourage him to develop<\/strong>.<\/p>\n<p>You\u2019re using childcare because you have a career you love and want to get back to, but you feel guilty about that? <strong>You\u2019re a model of vocation and ambition<\/strong> for a child who\u2019ll grow up to expect joy from the workplace \u2013 that\u2019s invaluable!<\/p>\n<p>When that little voice inside says \u201cBut, I\u2019m abandoning my baby!\u201d (or \u201cI shouldn\u2019t want to work\u201d, or \u201cI\u2019m a bad mother\u201d or whatever nasty thing your mind chooses to bash you over the head with), look at that list and bash the voice right back.<\/p>\n<p>Originally published on <a href=\"https:\/\/inspirelle.com\/motherhood-diaries-letting-go-child-hard\/\">Inspirelle.com<\/a>.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Recently, my daughter had her first ever rentr\u00e9e \u2013 an initiation to an autumn ritual every mother in France must face. No uniform or stationery purchases were required (more\u2019s the pity \u2013 I love buying notebooks); my 14-month-old simply started going to a childminder four days a week. We\u2019ve been building towards this momentous event [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":1214,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_exactmetrics_skip_tracking":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_active":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_note":"","_exactmetrics_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[168],"tags":[250,246,255,251,249],"class_list":["post-1185","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-coaching","tag-connect","tag-family","tag-parenting","tag-relationships","tag-the-motherhood-diaries"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v27.0 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>The Motherhood Diaries : When Letting Go of Your Child is Hard to Do - Joanne Archibald | Coaching<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/joannearchibald.com\/blog\/the-motherhood-diaries-when-letting-go-of-your-child-is-hard-to-do-2\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"fr_FR\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"The Motherhood Diaries : When Letting Go of Your Child is Hard to Do - Joanne Archibald | Coaching\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Recently, my daughter had her first ever rentr\u00e9e \u2013 an initiation to an autumn ritual every mother in France must face. 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