{"id":1186,"date":"2019-06-02T10:13:33","date_gmt":"2019-06-02T08:13:33","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/joannearchibald.com\/?p=1186"},"modified":"2023-03-30T11:42:46","modified_gmt":"2023-03-30T09:42:46","slug":"the-motherhood-diaries-are-you-a-competitive-mother-2","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/joannearchibald.com\/fr\/blog\/the-motherhood-diaries-are-you-a-competitive-mother-2\/","title":{"rendered":"The Motherhood Diaries : Are You a Competitive Mother?"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><strong>If motherhood were a competitive sport, the Olympic committee would be overrun with candidates\u2026<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>I am not a competitive person. I get no pleasure from an activity when trying to do it faster or better or for longer than someone else. Example: swimming lessons. I loved (still do love) swimming, but when the teacher suggested to my mother that I enter competitions, I was out the other end of the pool in a time that would have made <strong>Michael Phelps<\/strong> question his achievements. I enjoy activities most when doing them for their own sake and without any form of comparison with others.<\/p>\n<p><strong>So how did I end up in the qualifying rounds for the summer sport of competitive mothering? <\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Because you are entered automatically from the moment you announce you\u2019re pregnant\u00a0\u2013\u00a0didn\u2019t you know?<\/p>\n<p>Every decision you make is judged by someone, and the worst culprits are other mothers clearly going for gold by comparing your pregnancy\/delivery\/baby\/post-baby body with their own.<\/p>\n<p>There\u2019s the choice to breastfeed or not, whether you sleep-train, baby-led weaning, if and when you go back to work\u2026 And don\u2019t even get me started on <strong>Montessori<\/strong>! I have seen powerful, successful women cower before others who casually drop into conversation that they have chosen to <strong>Montessori<\/strong> their kids \u201cbecause we really wanted the best for her education, you know?\u201d Translation: you are lazy, uncaring and your child will end up in the gutter if you don&rsquo;t do the same. Every choice you make becomes another mother\u2019s food for smug comparison. <strong>At best, it\u2019s exhausting; at worst it\u2019s disempowering and distressing. <\/strong><\/p>\n<h3><strong>The flipside<\/strong><\/h3>\n<p>However, for every mother sure that she\u2019s standing higher on the podium than you are (and making sure you\u2019re painfully aware of that fact), there\u2019s another weeping inside from feelings of inadequacy at your wildly superior skills. Having a baby is unlike anything we\u2019ve ever done before, and it can turn even the most confident of woman into a pile of self-doubt and anxiety. Faced with someone else\u2019s certainty at deserving that coveted first-place medal, you can start to doubt even choices you <em>know<\/em> were right for you and your family.<\/p>\n<p>The irony is that we are all at some point <strong>Mrs Smuggy<\/strong> <strong>McSmugface<\/strong> (<em>\u201cI make all my baby\u2019s pur\u00e9es myself! I breastfed for longer than her! We go to more playgroups than they do!\u201d)<\/em>. And we are all at some point that <strong>poor cringing creature<\/strong> convinced she\u2019s not so much swimming as sinking (<em>\u201cShe\u2019s coping so much better than me\u2026 Her baby is crawling already\u2026 How did she lose the weight so fast?\u201d<\/em>).<\/p>\n<h3><strong>So, what can we learn \u2013 and do differently? <\/strong><\/h3>\n<p>I said before that I am not competitive. That\u2019s not quite the truth: if I am to be precise I have to say that <strong>I am competitive with just one person \u2013 myself<\/strong>. I am always trying to do better today than I did yesterday: increase my knowledge, act with greater love, try harder. Applying the same logic to motherhood, I have found, is the only solution when faced with a Smugface or when resisting the urge to be one myself.<\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s hard to do, but the trick is to simply <strong>opt out of comparison with others<\/strong> and replace it with checking in with yourself.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Am <em>I<\/em> doing <em>my<\/em> best? <\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>Did I make decisions that best served <em>me<\/em> and <em>my<\/em> family today? <\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>Am I being kind to myself? <\/strong><\/p>\n<p>The answers will never be a unanimous, Welsh-male-voice-choir-style YES. But maybe you\u2019ll realise that you did indeed play with your daughter and read her a story. Or you\u2019ll admit that skipping playgroup this week and meeting a friend for lunch was simply necessary for your own sanity and will not cause lasting damage to your baby. Perhaps you\u2019ll remember your son\u2019s giggling fit as you made silly faces over breakfast and enjoy knowing you make him laugh.<\/p>\n<p><strong>And maybe, just maybe, you\u2019ll find it in you to be a little less hard on yourself \u2013 and on other mothers.<\/strong> <strong>Now that would be a gold medal for everyone.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Originally published on <a href=\"https:\/\/inspirelle.com\/motherhood-diaries-competitive-mothers\/\">Inspirelle.com<\/a>.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>If motherhood were a competitive sport, the Olympic committee would be overrun with candidates\u2026 I am not a competitive person. I get no pleasure from an activity when trying to do it faster or better or for longer than someone else. Example: swimming lessons. I loved (still do love) swimming, but when the teacher suggested [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":1218,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_exactmetrics_skip_tracking":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_active":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_note":"","_exactmetrics_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[168],"tags":[250,246,255,251,249],"class_list":["post-1186","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-coaching","tag-connect","tag-family","tag-parenting","tag-relationships","tag-the-motherhood-diaries"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v27.0 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>The Motherhood Diaries : Are You a Competitive Mother? - Joanne Archibald | Coaching<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/joannearchibald.com\/blog\/the-motherhood-diaries-are-you-a-competitive-mother-2\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"fr_FR\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"The Motherhood Diaries : Are You a Competitive Mother? - Joanne Archibald | Coaching\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"If motherhood were a competitive sport, the Olympic committee would be overrun with candidates\u2026 I am not a competitive person. 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