{"id":1201,"date":"2012-04-21T10:20:14","date_gmt":"2012-04-21T08:20:14","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/joannearchibald.com\/?p=1201"},"modified":"2020-11-10T09:39:32","modified_gmt":"2020-11-10T08:39:32","slug":"the-motherhood-diaries-living-with-chronic-fatigue","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/joannearchibald.com\/fr\/blog\/the-motherhood-diaries-living-with-chronic-fatigue\/","title":{"rendered":"The Motherhood Diaries : Living with Chronic Fatigue"},"content":{"rendered":"

You know he\u2019s tired when your husband confuses you with your daughter\u2026 of eight months.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Last week, I plopped down onto the sofa, baby in arms ready for a feed, and asked my husband to pass me a bib. Ever obliging, he brought it over and proceeded absentmindedly to tie the thing around my neck<\/em>. Once I realised this was not a joke and got over the hysterics that ensued, it struck me just how tired he must be. And how tired I am. All the time.<\/em> <\/strong><\/p>\n

I can\u2019t really blame sleep deprivation<\/a> \u2013<\/a> Alice is a pretty decent sleeper. So I don\u2019t need to read yet another book\/lecturing tome with a catchy title like \u201cHow to get your baby to sleep wherever and whenever you want, including 15 hours a night plus at least five daytime naps\u201d. The truth is that even when you sleep well, the very act of being a parent is itself tiring<\/strong>. Pushing the buggy, carrying the increasingly heavy baby, tidying toys, endless loads of washing, the constant vigilance any time you put the baby down, the permanent nagging worry about [choking\/illness\/normal brain development\/school options\/inappropriate friends] *delete as appropriate.<\/p>\n

So the only way forward is to accept the tiredness and to adjust life accordingly<\/strong>. Because fighting fatigue is itself exhausting.<\/p>\n

Here are the fatigue-accepting commandments that work for me:<\/strong><\/p>\n

1. I no longer stay up late.<\/strong><\/h3>\n

Other parents of small children are not merrily quaffing Bordeaux in front of a good film until midnight. They are, like me, falling asleep in front of the TV using their spouse as a human pillow. Suck it up, record the movie, and go up to bed while you still have the energy to brush your teeth.<\/p>\n

A sub-section to that: I limit my alcohol intake. <\/strong>Pre-children, most evenings involved a glass of wine with husband or a friend \u2013 we live in France, for heaven\u2019s sake! Now, that glass of wine will cause me to pass out even earlier than usual, so it needs to be kept for weekends and occasions.<\/p>\n

2. I lighten my day.<\/strong><\/h3>\n

I am a list person. And I like<\/em> getting through my list each day. I now accept that what I can and cannot get done is no longer solely dependent on me; and that I usually won\u2019t get it all done. And that\u2019s ok, because the unwritten task on every list I\u2019ll ever make from now on is \u201ctake care of child while doing all the other stuff\u201d, and if that one gets done well, then we\u2019re doing all right.<\/p>\n

3. I choose when I do my thinking.<\/strong><\/h3>\n

I\u2019m unwell, daughter is ill, husband is away for work, and sleep was a pipe dream last night. Now is not<\/em> the time to start finding solutions to the Great Babysitter Conundrum.<\/strong> Nor is it the moment to consider school choices (did I mention she\u2019s eight\u00a0months old?), examine our financial future, make a new business plan. Because, in a sleep-deprived state there are no<\/em> decent schools; we\u2019ll be penniless, destitute<\/em>, by the time we\u2019re 40. And my business plan looks rather like the Titanic \u2013 a great idea that will ultimately lead to my doom<\/em>. I put those issues to one side and tackle them once we\u2019ve all had a bit more sleep and a calming cuppa.<\/p>\n

4. I have stopped talking<\/em> about the tiredness.<\/strong><\/h3>\n

The above notwithstanding. One day a coaching client was in the middle of a diatribe about how shattered she was when it occurred to me to ask, in all sincerity: \u201cIs talking about it helping you?\u201d I am not<\/em> recommending we \u201clean in\u201d, but does complaining to the spouse or competing with other mothers (\u201cI was up all night \u2013 got about 30 minutes sleep \u2013 not even sure how I\u2019m still alive, really\u201d) make you feel any better?<\/p>\n

So, in a definite case of \u201cCoach, coach thyself\u201d, these are my strategies for coping with a fatigue that I have accepted will be with me for at least the next 21 years.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

You know he\u2019s tired when your husband confuses you with your daughter\u2026 of eight months. Last week, I plopped down onto the sofa, baby in arms ready for a feed, and asked my husband to pass me a bib. Ever obliging, he brought it over and proceeded absentmindedly to tie the thing around my neck. […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":1221,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_exactmetrics_skip_tracking":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_active":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_note":"","_exactmetrics_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[168],"tags":[263,264,258,253],"class_list":["post-1201","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-coaching","tag-health-wellness-fr","tag-inspire-fr","tag-parenting-fr","tag-the-motherhood-diaries-fr"],"yoast_head":"\nThe Motherhood Diaries : Living with Chronic Fatigue - Joanne Archibald | Coaching<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/joannearchibald.com\/blog\/the-motherhood-diaries-living-with-chronic-fatigue\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"fr_FR\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"The Motherhood Diaries : Living with Chronic Fatigue - Joanne Archibald | Coaching\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"You know he\u2019s tired when your husband confuses you with your daughter\u2026 of eight months. 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