{"id":5333,"date":"2023-12-11T11:51:03","date_gmt":"2023-12-11T10:51:03","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/joannearchibald.com\/?p=5333"},"modified":"2023-12-11T17:22:17","modified_gmt":"2023-12-11T16:22:17","slug":"choosing-your-beliefs-breaking-the-hold-of-limiting-thoughts","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/joannearchibald.com\/fr\/blog\/choosing-your-beliefs-breaking-the-hold-of-limiting-thoughts\/","title":{"rendered":"Choosing your beliefs: breaking the hold of limiting thoughts"},"content":{"rendered":"

This year, I finally gave in and agreed that it was time to share the truth about Father Christmas with our eight-year-old daughter. I made my husband have the dreaded conversation; he pushed for it, after all. Neither of us wants her to be the last kid in the playground still insisting that Rudolph really does guide the sleigh, when everyone else has cottoned on. To be fair, she has been asking for a while whether Santa really does exist, so the news wasn\u2019t going to come out of the blue. In fact, in the end, it was rather an anti-climax. \u00ab\u00a0I\u2019ve actually known for a while, Papa\u00a0\u00bb, she said softly. \u00ab\u00a0But, maybe we could just go on believing among ourselves?\u00a0\u00bb<\/p>\n

Ah, the joy of knowing that, mature and wise beyond her years as she often proves to be, my baby still loves the magic. Mulder-like, she wants to believe.<\/p>\n

Don\u2019t we all, though?<\/p>\n

A double-edged sword<\/strong><\/p>\n

It\u2019s a theme of the current season: belief. Whether our faith is in a baby born in a manger, St Nicholas shooting down the chimney, the miraculous oil of Hanukkah, your Christmas wish being granted, or simply the fundamental goodness of humanity, belief is a lifeline \u2013 all year round actually. Belief in ourselves, in our friends and loved ones, in our employees, colleagues and managers, even our elected representatives\u2026 It can keep us going in tough times, strengthen our resolve, enable us to persevere, inspire hope.<\/p>\n

However, the power of belief can \u2013 at times \u2013 turn against us. So often, having a little faith helps us expand, grow, see the bigger picture, but, when misdirected, it can also cause us to hold back, be less, stay small. Beliefs that have this effect are what coaches call \u00ab\u00a0limiting beliefs\u00a0\u00bb. They are the kind of beliefs that, left unchecked, can sink deep into our bones, resulting in a can\u2019t-do mentality, a lack of self-confidence, and us becoming stuck, paralysed.<\/p>\n

The belief maketh the man<\/strong><\/p>\n

Limiting beliefs I have watched \u2013 and helped \u2013 clients change vary greatly. I\u2019ve heard an aspiring actor affirm, \u00ab\u00a0I\u2019m just not right for comedy \u2013 I\u2019ll never get those kinds of roles\u00a0\u00bb. An executive in a large company told me, \u00ab\u00a0Ten is the biggest team I think I could ever really manage \u2013 any more and I\u2019d feel overwhelmed\u00a0\u00bb. A senior manager in an international NGO said, \u00ab\u00a0It\u2019s too late for me to go on assignment in the field \u2013 you really have to do that in your 20s. I\u2019m too old\u00a0\u00bb.<\/p>\n

Needless to say, before we started deconstructing these limiting beliefs, my clients had all been proved right time and time again. They had plenty of evidence to reinforce their beliefs. But, of course, they were self-fulfilling prophecies: the actor never auditioned for comic roles, the exec never put herself forward for positions that required management of large teams, and the humanitarian never even explored his options for assignments on the ground.<\/p>\n

To dream the impossible dream<\/strong><\/p>\n

The insidious thing about limiting beliefs is that, before anyone dares \u2013 or dares us – to question them, they seem utterly unquestionable. Our belief in their veracity is unshakeable. The thing we believe appears so incredibly, obviously, blatantly true to us that any other option is impossible to fathom. But it doesn\u2019t take much more than a question to cause these hard but brittle thoughts to crack. The coach asks:<\/p>\n