Before every exam, test, performance or interview I have ever had, my mother said just six words: \u201cDo your best, and enjoy it\u201d. Sounds odd, doesn\u2019t it? No \u201cgood luck\u201d or \u201cit\u2019ll be fine\u201d, and I don\u2019t think many parents tell their kids to try to enjoy an exam. But that simple advice has successfully got me through countless school tests, my Cambridge entrance interviews and final exams, auditions for the British National Youth Theatre, and numerous job interviews.<\/p>\n
The beauty of my mother\u2019s words is that, unlike a lot of good advice, it is just as easily done as said. It is actually very straightforward to apply it in a lot of situations. When you get into the exam or interview, the time for preparation and revision is over, and all you can really do is give it everything you\u2019ve got and attempt to take some pleasure in the process. Luck doesn\u2019t come into it. And actually, maybe it won\u2019t be fine. But, in the end, all you can really ask of anyone is that they do their best. And the best thing you can hope for yourself in the immediate future is that you enjoy the experience.<\/p>\n
One line fits all<\/strong><\/p>\n Thankfully, exams and tests are no longer a regular part of my life, but I still turn to my mother\u2019s advice in all kinds of circumstances.<\/p>\n Work, for example. Like most coaches I know (the serious ones, at least), I go into sessions asking myself how I can optimise my support for my client and hoping that I will make a difference for them. The problem with that attitude is that the more strongly a coach holds on to an agenda for their client (wanting to \u201chelp\u201d them, hoping they will leave the session feeling better or having found a solution to a problem), the more the coach will get in their own way. So, what do I do? I remind myself of Mum\u2019s simple advice: do your best, and enjoy it. And doing my best for my client means simply showing up and being incredibly present. It doesn\u2019t mean frantically thinking of the cleverest question, or searching for the solution they cannot see. It just means connecting, attuning myself to them and giving them my fullest self for an hour. When I do that, enjoyment is guaranteed.<\/p>\n Find the fun, and snap!<\/strong><\/p>\n The \u201cenjoying\u201d part of my mum\u2019s advice may seem like an add-on to \u201cdo your best\u201d but it is perhaps the most important part. Let\u2019s take parenting as an example. Very few parents think they are perfect, but most would say that they are \u201cdoing their best\u201d. But how many people raising children (whether they are their parents or not) stop to consider whether they are enjoying it? I know I often forget. In the midst of trying to get it right and generally screw your kids up as little as possible, it\u2019s easy to lose sight of the fact that raising children is something that you can choose to enjoy.<\/p>\n Yes, it\u2019s bone-crushingly tiring, soul-shrinkingly hard, and there are days when you want to nip out for a loaf of bread and just keep walking, but it can also be – whisper it<\/em> \u2013 enjoyable. In the mass of parenting advice out there, I\u2019ve come across opinions of all sorts, but I\u2019ve not often encountered the idea that we might want to prioritise enjoying the process. In fact, much like with exams, the concerns are more about doing well, doing better than others, not failing, boosting performance, finding ways to make it easier\u2026 enjoying it seems to be the last thing on many people\u2019s minds. Yet focusing on enjoyment can transform an activity that\u2019s hard or scary or boring from something that you just have to get through to something in which you are actively seeking the fun. (Yes, we are indeed perilously close to M. Poppins territory here\u2026)<\/p>\n What does your best look like today?<\/strong> The example of parenting raises another point about why I find the advice \u201cdo your best, and enjoy it\u201d so helpful: it allows for variation.<\/p>\n Doing your best takes different forms depending on the day, your mood, your health \u2013 lots of things. On any given day, I guarantee I am striving to be the best mother I can, but that doesn\u2019t always look the same. Sometimes my best is a museum outing with sketchpads, then a homemade picnic lunch, all wrapped up in inexhaustible patience, joy and calm. On other days, my best is simply ensuring we get home from school, the children eat and bathe, and a very short story is read before I fall into bed. At work, the same applies. There are days when I support three different clients in sessions, clear my inbox, and send off a proposal for a new conference programme. And there are days – when I\u2019ve been working a lot, perhaps travelling, and I am tired and a bit empty – when my best (and frankly the wisest thing to do) is answering a few emails, filing some notes, and reading a book.<\/p>\n \u201cDo your best\u201d allows for the fact that not every day is the same. It says that whatever it looks like, the important thing is that you know that on that day, in those circumstances, you did the best you could with what you had available to you in terms of energy, brain capacity, money, information, time\u2026 \u201cDo your best\u201d simultaneously allows you keep your expectations of yourself high (no chance of falling into the complacency so feared by type As) and also give yourself a break.<\/p>\n
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