It may seem at best counter-intuitive and at worst blasphemous for a coach to say this, but lately I\u2019ve been pondering question of whether, at some point, we should say enough is enough when it comes to self-improvement and personal development.
\nI\u2019m surely thinking these subversive thoughts in part because the end of the year is upon us. It\u2019s a time for reflecting on the successes, failures, joys and tears of the last twelve months. And once that\u2019s done, it\u2019ll be time to ring out the old, ring in the new, and begin 2025 with some ambitious new year\u2019s resolutions. But to be honest, I\u2019m just not really feeling it.<\/p>\n
Hitting pause<\/strong><\/p>\n My professional life relies on my deeply held belief that we all have the capacity to take control of a lot about ourselves, our professional success, and our personal lives if we really want to and are prepared to do the work. However, I have also come to believe that sometimes the best thing we can do for ourselves is simply to stop.<\/p>\n Yep, you heard right: I think some of us need to stop improving ourselves. Not because we have attained perfection \u2013 far from it \u2013 but because at some point the next step in personal development is to accept ourselves as we are and not as some kind of \u201cbefore\u201d version in a makeover. I suspect that if you are in the group of people I am talking about, you will identify hard and fast with what I\u2019m saying. You are probably someone who religiously makes resolutions in January, and perhaps also before the summer and during the \u201cback to school\u201d period. You make lists of things you want to change\/upgrade\/optimise about yourself. You make other lists of books you \u201cshould\u201d read, films you should see, exhibitions you should see. You\u2019re probably constantly doing some kind of experiment to better yourself \u2013 cutting out sugar or caffeine, trying to take the stairs more, looking for ways to improve your use of your free time in the evening, buying a paper newspaper twice a week in an effort to be more au fait with current affairs and politics\u2026<\/p>\n Are you one of us? <\/strong><\/p>\n If you are nodding and smiling as you read this, muttering \u201cyep, yep, yep\u201d to yourself, then know that I see you, and I get it. Because I have this tendency too. Now, none of the above are essentially bad things to do. Indeed, they are all worthy goals and \u2013 for some people \u2013 entirely appropriate. I will never discourage anyone from attempting to improve their life or themselves in any way \u2013 I\u2019ve made a career of supporting people doing just that. However, in an age where social media offers a steady source of comparison and floods us with a stream of toxically positive affirmations, those of us who have a tendency towards pushing ourselves, wanting to optimise ourselves and \u2013 at the dark end of that \u2013 \u201cfix\u201d ourselves, can quickly slip into overdrive.<\/p>\n The truth is that at on any given we all have a million things that we could improve about ourselves. The job of becoming a better person is the work of lifetime. But that work doesn\u2019t have to be done every single day. Indeed, sometimes the healthiest and most profoundly fulfilling next step in our own self-improvement journey is to stop travelling for a bit and rest. It\u2019s to metaphorically put down the rucksack and say, \u201cthis bit of the forest is pretty good, maybe I\u2019ll hang here for a while and savour it\u201d. It\u2019s to cease pushing and fighting and striving and instead to accept what is. Which doesn\u2019t mean we won\u2019t, at some later date, decide to give up red meat, take up jogging, finally sort of the garden, apply for a promotion, or visit museums more. It just means that we learn to accept, even enjoy, being who we are without any of the fine-tuning, makeovers and up-pimping.<\/p>\n