Unseasonably hot weather and a spring resolution to make better use of the garden have resulted in my husband and I enjoying our breakfast in the sunshine a lot of late. We sip our coffee while the kids run about and water the vegetable patch, and for the joy we feel in that half hour, you would think us in the grounds of the Ch\u00e2teau de Versailles or Hampton Court.<\/p>\n
One morning recently though, my husband took a sip of his brew and casually commented that we really should re-sow grass seeds in the lawn. Years of children\u2019s parties complete with sack racing and water fights have taken their toll to the point where I hesitate even to use the word lawn, actually. He followed that up by noticing that the patio needs to be cleaned, a particular plant has gone leggy and should probably be retired, and the tiny bench under our hazelnut tree needs to be sanded and varnished. Before I knew it, we were into a list of garden jobs to be done and equipment to be bought, and my husband\u2019s face was wearing the look I always imagine on Henry\u2019s when he got to the third round of telling Dear Liza that there was a hole in his bucket. In short, the moment was very much spoilt.<\/p>\n
Thinking the joy away<\/strong><\/p>\n So, what went wrong? Well, the garden stressed us out, of course! But, hang on, between the moment when we first sat down with the French press and the moment we started our stressed-induced to-do list, the state of the garden had not changed one iota. Indeed, it was in no worse shape than it has been for the last year or two. The only thing that had ruined the lovely mood was, well, us. Our own thinking, to be exact.<\/p>\n Now, you probably think you know where I\u2019m going with this, but you\u2019d be wrong. I could, of course, share my thoughts on the popular wisdom expressed most beautifully in Hamlet<\/em>: \u201cThere is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so\u201d. Variants include the idea that we cannot control events, only our reactions to them; and the notion that our thoughts are just thoughts, not always reality, and they do not all require our attention. Excellent sentiments all, but not where I\u2019m headed.<\/p>\n No, the thing that occurred to me while we surveyed our little patch of green feeling like a verdant Eden had wilted to a desolate wasteland before our eyes was that we were turning a source of joy into a source of stress, frustration and sadness. When we first moved into our house, the garden was way worse than it is now, but I have the most delightful memory of the first morning we woke up in our new home. My husband scooped up our newborn daughter and announced to her that Mummy and Papa were going to show her the estate. We sat on the back step as we had no chairs yet, drank instant coffee from the only two mugs we had actually unpacked, and basked<\/em>. Yet here we were, ten years later, and we had managed to transform what was once a source of great joy into a source of stress. We no longer saw a place for barbecues and children\u2019s games, just leaves to be swept up and weeds to be pulled.<\/p>\n Cultivating and growing perspective<\/strong><\/p>\n Since this occurred to me, I\u2019ve started to notice so many other times when this happens \u2013 when we take something that\u2019s supposed to be fun, enjoyable, relaxing<\/em> even, and think it into a source of anxiety, stress and overwhelm. These things often get referred to as \u201cfirst world problems\u201d. Taking examples from my own life as well as from clients, friends and colleagues, the list is long. Getting married. Booking a holiday. Decorating a new home. Let\u2019s not even start on Christmas! Even things that many would argue are objectively stressful, like starting a new job or being asked to speak at a conference, often actually begin as a cause for celebration and only later morph into a worry keeping you awake at night.<\/p>\n\n