{"id":692,"date":"2014-09-07T14:01:16","date_gmt":"2014-09-07T12:01:16","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/joannearchibald.com\/?p=692"},"modified":"2023-03-30T11:44:03","modified_gmt":"2023-03-30T09:44:03","slug":"every-time-we-say-goodbye-2","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/joannearchibald.com\/fr\/blog\/every-time-we-say-goodbye-2\/","title":{"rendered":"Every time we say goodbye"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><strong>Saying goodbye to friends is never easy, but the end of an era can be the perfect reminder to live in the moment.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Living abroad is an immensely rewarding experience: the constant sense of adventure; opportunities for language learning; a greater respect and tolerance for difference. However, as an ex-pat, one inevitably makes a lot of ex-pat friends. It\u2019s only natural \u2013 you\u2019re taking language lessons together, perhaps working in international companies, people helpfully introduce you at parties (\u201cJo \u2013 meet Svetlana \u2013 she\u2019s Russian so, well, foreign, just like you! You must have lots to discuss\u2026\u201d). And, in my opinion, having ex-pat friends is no bad thing, it\u2019s certainly not a worry.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Until\u2026<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>Until your ex-pat friends come over all patriotic and leave.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>My refined and notoriously indecisive Bostonian friend (it\u2019s all very \u201cWhere do you summer?\u201d \u00e0 la Katherine Hepburn), whom I have in past musings referred to as Peggy-Sue, is returning to her native land, where a new job and her wonderful man await. Despite being thrilled for her, this imminent departure makes me unutterably sad. Peggy was a bridesmaid at my wedding; she\u2019s spent Christmas with my family; I call her when I need to work out the Big Issues of life and when I have nothing other to report than what I ate for dinner. Her not being in the same country or even in the same time zone any more will leave a chasm in my life.<\/p>\n<p><strong>All good things<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Quite a few friends have left Paris recently \u2013 sabbatical years, travelling, job opportunities \u2013 but they all plan to come back. Not Peggy-Sue. She\u2019s leaving on a jet plane and not coming back again. Since I found out, I\u2019ve been heavy-hearted, with an unshakeable end-of-an-era feeling. The fact that Peg\u2019s departure coincides with my getting married and a number of friends either doing likewise or having babies only adds to my fin-de-si\u00e8cle malaise. Like many thirty-somethings, we\u2019re closing the Roaring Twenties chapter of our lives and starting a new one; and while, in its own way, it\u2019s equally as thrilling, I can\u2019t help but mourn the end of a glorious period of much spontaneity and few responsibilities.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Profit and loss<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>The French have a wonderful verb for which I\u2019ve never found a satisfying English translation: profiter. It means \u201cto make the most of\u201d or to \u201cfully take advantage of\u201d, though neither seem to really capture the notion of living fully, enjoying, savouring. It\u2019s a word I\u2019ve often had in mind of late. Have I lived this era of my life to the full? Have I made the most of my twenties and of Peggy Sue, enjoyed time spent together, gone places and done things we wanted? I\u2019m still trying to answer myself, and I\u2019m guessing the reply is somewhere in the grey area of \u201cyes, but could have done more\u201d.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Making your mind up<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>So that\u2019s what I\u2019m trying to focus on in the run-up to Peggy\u2019s leaving. Living deeply and fully. Enjoying every moment. Savouring the people in my world. I can\u2019t redo the chapter of my life that\u2019s slowly coming to a close, but I can learn from it and resolve to make the next one even more of a page-turner. I can make the trip to visit Peggy Sue (and not simply talk about it); schedule skype dates over a glass of wine (and not just collapse in front of the television); make more time for friends who are still in Paris (and elsewhere); book tickets for that stand-up comic\/play\/band (instead of simply looking at the posters)\u2026 I\u2019m sad to see my friend move so far away, but I have control over how our friendship evolves and the time I choose to invest in it from a distance. I can choose to wallow and focus on all the things we\u2019ll no longer do together (silly films, Friday night drinks), or I can choose to be here now and make the most of what is. One path leads to misery and statis, the other promises growth, joy and gratitude.<\/p>\n<p>Even Peggy-Sue would see that\u2019s no dilemma!<\/p>\n<p>Originally published on Running in Heels.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Saying goodbye to friends is never easy, but the end of an era can be the perfect reminder to live in the moment. Living abroad is an immensely rewarding experience: the constant sense of adventure; opportunities for language learning; a greater respect and tolerance for difference. 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