Seeing things through. Honouring your commitments. Giving your all. Noble thoughts, and laudable goals indeed, but are they always the best route to peace and happiness?<\/p>\n
Stop pushing yourself<\/strong><\/p>\n This week, as I was leaving the office after a hectic day, I faced a dilemma. I had a life coach networking event to attend and, boy, did I not want to go. All I could think about was a hot bath, a glass of wine and a comedy show that would relax my over-taxed brain. But wait, the type-A\/achiever\/self-motivator demon living inside me shouted: \u201cYou\u2019ll regret not going and slobbing on the sofa when you could be making valuable new contacts!\u201d I phoned a friend. \u201cDon\u2019t go\u201d, she said, \u201cYou\u2019ll regret going because if it\u2019s anything other than insanely useful, you\u2019ll just sit there wishing you\u2019d listened to yourself and headed home\u201d.<\/p>\n It took a lot of effort for me to overcome the dire sense that I was copping out \u2013 baling on something I\u2019d said I would do. (Said to whom? Just myself and my diary!) And yet\u2026 as I unwound at home, I didn\u2019t regret staying in one bit. It didn\u2019t feel like laziness or doing myself out of opportunities. It felt something a little like\u2026 self-care.<\/p>\n Help those who would be helped<\/strong><\/p>\n It has been theorised that when you decide to buy a red car, you start seeing red cars everywhere. In that spirit, a coaching client this week brought me a second example of when giving up is far from giving in. She was bewailing her failed attempts to help a friend, complaining that the friend just wouldn\u2019t listen and was impossible to help: \u201cI sometimes think my friend doesn\u2019t want my help.\u201d Ah, there it is. My powerful coaching question: \u201cSo, if this person doesn\u2019t want help, what\u2019s the result of trying to help him against his will?\u201d<\/p>\n Cue fireworks, glass shattering, earth ceasing to rotate on its axis for a split second. \u201cYes\u201d, said my client slowly, wrapping her mind around my unexpected enquiry, \u201cI can only really help people who want to be helped. The rest is just a waste of energy.\u201d When faced with intransigence and a lack of willing, insistence can only lead to frustration and even conflict; sometimes giving up is an act of self-protection and kindness.<\/p>\n Why shout them down?<\/strong><\/p>\n I have recently been grappling with a difficult relationship with a work colleague. She does not listen. I don\u2019t mean she hears what I say then ignores my recommendations. No, worse: she literally doesn\u2019t let anyone speak \u2013 she cuts people off, talks over them; I even saw her get up and leave the room when another co-worker was mid-sentence answering a question she has asked. This kind of behaviour pushes all my buttons. A lack of consideration for anyone else\u2019s contribution to the discussion (otherwise known as interrupting, not letting you finish, finishing your sentence for you) is a personal b\u00eate noire.<\/p>\n This week I realised (finally) that I was never going to change this woman (see my previous point!), and I am certainly not willing to shout in order to be heard. So I decided I\u2019d just stop. Stop trying to make her hear, stop trying to give her my opinion, stop attempting to converse with her at all, in fact. And, oh, the relief! Essentially, I\u2019ve decided that if she doesn\u2019t want to hear me, I won\u2019t waste my breath. I\u2019ll give up, and in doing so, I\u2019ll conserve my energy and spend it on someone who wants to listen and who shows me enough courtesy to deserve my precious time!<\/p>\n Obviously, powering through is sometimes the best course of action \u2013 who wants to be someone who doesn\u2019t follow through or get anything done? But it\u2019s essential to identify those times when the wiser course of action is to stop trying so hard, walk away from a damaging situation, or abandon a toxic project or relationship. Sometimes giving up is not equivalent to losing the war but to picking your battles.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Seeing things through. Honouring your commitments. Giving your all. Noble thoughts, and laudable goals indeed, but are they always the best route to peace and happiness? Stop pushing yourself This week, as I was leaving the office after a hectic day, I faced a dilemma. I had a life coach networking event to attend and, […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":1093,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_exactmetrics_skip_tracking":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_active":false,"_exactmetrics_sitenote_note":"","_exactmetrics_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[168],"tags":[190,182,178,191,192,193],"class_list":["post-855","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-coaching","tag-acceptance-2","tag-choices-2","tag-mental-health-2","tag-peace-2","tag-self-care-2","tag-self-kindness-2"],"yoast_head":"\n